What the gunt-strike is happening, all you folks who’re on rollerskates or skateboards or some other form of freewheeling fun where you’re suddenly inspired to leap over a pole or onto a railing but you severely misjudge it and WHUNG, that shit hits you right in the middle of the fucking gunt right between the nether bits and your asshole feels like the skies opened up for the goddamn apocalypse tears run down both your cheeks black sickly veins creep across your skin for the love of god someone help but they’re all taking pictures, laughing at your poor ravaged gunt, news anchors crowd you and ask you how it feels to get that slammed with your full fucking weight plus momentum in the goddamn gunt the fury of a thousand suns awakens in your soul and you summon lightning strikes and earthquakes and rise into the air with whited out eyes proclaiming you are become death destroyer of worlds—
And THAT, my friends, is why you protect your fucking gunt! Ain’t nobody trying to unleash an evil that would make Cthulu shit itself in terror!
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