What the dick exam is happening, all you poor unfortunates who have to go to the doctor for one reason or another, the doc asks you to drop trou and holy shit it’s colder than a goddamn refrigerated meat locker, your junk looks like a frightened acorn, gotta plump that shit up so you start flogging the needle-thin freeze-dried frost-bitten shaft your doc just laughs and laaaaaughs then cups his mouth while hollering, “YOU GUYS GOTTA SEE THIS—IT’S HALF THE SIZE OF A HAMSTER’S PAW!” All the nurses and staff come flooding in and point and laugh while you flog your meat and protest furiously with tears in your eyes, “NO, IT’S JUST COLD GODDAMMIT! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE UNLESS I’M COMFORTABLY SITUATED IN A TEMPERATE CLIMATE—”
And THAT, my friends, is why you just claim to be a grower and not a shower! There’s no way they can ask you to prove it without being weird, but once you start flogging it in an attempt to vanquish doubt, YOU’RE the weird one!
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