Tag: Sci Fi

What the long-balls is happening, all you old weathered meat-slingers who are morosely winding your age-lengthened scrotum around your thigh, trying not to cry as you mourn the day you once had a tight attractive nutsack, a few hours later you’re in a helicopter seeing the city with a bunch of tourists, they’re all gabbling…

“Well, Kent, it’s time for you to drop trou so I can check out your colorectal health.” “Sure thing, Doc.”  I sh-loop off my pants and bend over onto the steel examination table.  Ch-CHUNK.  Manacles snap shut on my wrists and ankles, locking me in place. “What the fuck?”  I wriggle around, trying to slip…

What the turtle-dick is happening, all you wiener-slingers who think you’re about to make sex with a super hot soccer mom but then they yank their face off and start asking for the manager holy FUCK it’s a goddamn Karen your cock looks up at you, gives you a single, resolute, hell-nah shake of its…

THIS IS MADNESS! I scroll through my porn subscriptions—Brazzers, MyFriendsHotMom, etc. etc.— ALL CANCELLED!!! My screen goes black for a nerve-wracking moment, then fritzes back on.  No longer does it show a colorful array of icons, helpfully arranged for my user-intuitive comfort; it now shows the face of my long-time nemesis:  Grammar Nazi Prime. “Hello,…

What the drunken club-sex is happening, all you folks who drink too many drinks and take too many goddamn tabs and/or pills and suddenly you’re going home with a hottie, pumping your fist and hissing “Yessss” under your breath before you get it together and stumble through the door, holy shit it’s all a delirious…

Climate change is here!  Wildfires, droughts, storms, all of which lead to power and water shutoffs!  Which means I can’t take a shower, which means… SWAMP DICK. In the year 2026, an autonomous zone was declared around my wiener, stretching fifty miles in every direction.  Visible stink lines emanate from my crotch, withering and shriveling…

Hey everybody—I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about when I reference a joyous gush-fest with one-lover on top and the other below, rimming your bung with their hot, lashing tongue and— JUST KIDDING!  I pay taxes, I’m a patriot, and I’m also a virgin!  That was a test, and if you failed it,…

I knock thrice on the hotel room door.  “Hello, did someone order an award-winning Man Whor—”  Before I can finish, the door swings open, Lois Lane and Catwoman grab my lapels, and yank me inside with eye-widening force. I’m not sure how they do it, but my pants and undies disappear in a split-second flash …

Hey guys!  You know when someone’s tickling your b-hole with the tip of their pinkie and you’re acting all innocent, then they suddenly go three knuckles deep, four fingers wide and you burst into an angelic song that quickly transforms into a demon-voiced roar of full-throated pleasure because you’re gasming so hard that you’re gonna…

“HHRNNGHH!”  I stifle a scream as Grammar Nazi Prime budda-budda-buddas my giant nuts, laughing with joy as they ricochet off my thighs and stomach.  Once he’s done, I sag downward, tightening the links around my arms and legs—he’s rigged me to a series of junkyard chains, configured so I’m horizontally suspended at head level.  That…